What Does Our Future Hold?
by pdsldl
Summary: This is a response to a challenge from the Triaxian Silk forum. A discussion between Trip and T'Pol about the bond without the use of a mind-meld. Further explained in the story.


This story is in response to these words/requests from ASSO in a Tag Your It challenge: I have a challenge for **pdsldl**.  
Knowing the compelling way she is capable of developing the Bond and in my own belief that this Bond is a foggy thing, which T'Pol herself doesn't know, I would like **pdsldl** to try to explain the Bond the way I feel it. I have something in my mind: just after "Bound", T'Pol receives Trip in her quarters and she attempts to acquaint Trip about what the Bond is, but she has a great deal of difficulties, because the Bond is substantially a legend on her world. And, please... no mind meld. Too easy. Only words, and maybe some actions (Well! Absolutely no smut, the way you like to do!)Oh... but maybe I am suggesting too many ideas. After all, this should be your story, **pdsldl**, obviously if you accept my challenge.

It's a matter of perceptions, of "skin", like we would say here, in Italy. Even if I was all along a hungry reader of SF, I tended always to skip the stories which included telepathy, because this seems to me an easy and forcible way to say: "Look at that! We are writing of SF! We are talking of Humans or Aliens who are telepaths! If it's not SF this, well!... In this case, SF doesn't exist!" I prefer a SF which talks about situations, about believable even if unusual and space age, futuristic I prefer two people who are capable of speaking to each other and of making each other understand without the easy way of the sharing their minds. Thus it is how I would like to see Trip and T'Pol, to see them act and think.I admit that the "Mind Meld" is part of the canon, and I understand and admire your way to develop it, but - just because of that - I was pushed to ask you to write something about the bond which doesn't involve the Mind , that's my idea and if you don't be able to get it, please feel free to to do otherwise. Even not to accept my challenge, if you are too much far from my vision.

Here's my response and I hope this is what you were looking for. You're correct that while you and I speak in different languages and styles we do seem to share the same belief, understanding,...innate sense of life where love and romance are concerned. I stayed within canon with the exception of my belief that Trip and T'Pol would not have been able to just walk away from each other and their bond. Everything presented in the Star Trek series reinforced the idea that it was a permanent, lifetime connection That and the fact that as an emotional human Trip, who had no future with another, would never walk away from his only opportunity at love. Their experience when Trip went to Columbia had already made it clear that separation was not an option.

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**What Does Our Future Hold?**

"_At different stages in our lives, the signs of love may vary: dependence, attraction, contentment, worry, loyalty, grief...but at heart the source is always the same. Human beings have the rare capacity to connect with each other, against all odds." – Michael Dorris_

Trip waited impatiently for her to open the door. It had been several days since she'd told him they were bonded and that she wanted him back. They hadn't really talked after that. Not that he was avoiding her but this whole bond thing had put him in a tailspin questioning every thought, belief, and interaction between them in the last four years. One minute he was confused and the next he scared to death, only to discover that for no reason he was suddenly calm and accepting of their new status. Even if he didn't quite know what it meant. He kept trying to find every reason to be happy to have this new connection to the woman he loved.

"Come in Commander...Trip." Calling him by his rank when they were about to embark on this most personal, private of discussions seemed cold to T'Pol. Better not to antagonize him until she knew exactly where they stood with each other. When they'd last spoke he'd left her feeling hopeful, yet unsure. She needed him to explain what he'd said more fully and she was sure he wished for her to do the same.

T'Pol had said come in but she hadn't moved from in front of the door. "Are you going to let me in? You did want to see me, right?" There was an edge to his voice that to most would betray how vulnerable and naked he felt standing here but to T'Pol might sound like he didn't want to be here. They had so much trouble discerning the true meaning behind each other's words and actions.

"I wouldn't have sent you a message to that affect if I hadn't. Are you upset with me?" He'd avoided her or at least not sought her out since they parted in the corridor outside Sickbay, which surprised her since in the past, with the exception of their neuro-pressure sessions, he initiated most of the personal time they spent together.

He caught her failed attempt to touch his arm as he walked past her. She never had an aversion to touch with him but he was usually the one who touched her first. "No. Is there some reason I should be?" He wasn't upset just cautious. They'd been on again off again so many times he'd lost track and couldn't do it anymore, so this time he waited for her to make the first move, even though he'd forced her to tell him she wanted him back. There was always a chance that she'd get scared and decide to backpedal again and say it was only because of his engineering skills.

"No, but my door has been programmed to allow you access to my quarters and I have not seen you since..." When? Since I told him I want him back, at his insistence. Only to have him keep his distance. "You said 'this thing between us was no big deal' but perhaps I misinterpreted what you meant." She was sure she hadn't when he said they had a lot of work to do but then again he may have been referring to Enterprise and all the damage Kirby, the Klingons, and the Orions had caused. But he'd been lighter and laughing when he walked away.

His thumbprint had been added to allow him access for their scheduled neuro-pressure sessions. "You never gave me permission to it anytime." She'd made the change in the computer one evening when she'd been running late and left him standing in the corridor waiting for her. Access was given to him for a specific purpose so that's the only reason he used it.

"You have my permission to enter my quarters whenever you wish." T'Pol felt the sudden surge of emotions. She was pleased she had done something to make him feel anything other than lost and desolate like he had while on Columbia. Her fingertips had sought out his bare skin but this was almost as satisfying.

"Do you think we'll ever figure out how not to misunderstand each other? I thought I was pretty clear but maybe we should both agree that from here on out there's no hidden meanings, no evasions, and no euphemisms when we talk to one another. I promise that from now on, if we're talking about us I'll try to remember to say things so you'll understand me. But if I don't I need you to promise me you'll ask me to explain what I mean."

"I can do that." She understood him most of the time if she looked at his face, especially his eyes. She wondered if he knew how expressive his face was. Unless he was trying to hide something, and sometimes even then, you could see everything you needed to know.

"You say that but that's not what your body language is saying." He reached out for the fists he saw momentarily clutch as if she was trying to force her fear down. "Just relax and talk to me. Tell me what has you so spooked." He'd seen the fear in her eyes the first time in the Mess Hall when she tried to convince him and herself that their 'sexual relations' were nothing more than an experiment and then again every time she'd backed away from him.

His touch startled her, but not because he'd made the contact but because the simpleness of it settled all the turmoil inside. And just as amazing was the tension suddenly seeping out of Trip. "I know you have questions and I have been trying to figure out how best to explain what is happening between us and why but..." There were no words in Vulcan really. Very little was known or discussed about mating and bonds.

"I've been trying to find information on my own in the database. You said we were bonded and your Mom mentioned that she and your father developed a strong connection over time. I didn't know what she meant then but now I think this bond you mentioned is what she was talking about so I assumed I could find something about it." He remembered what she said that day in Engineering. 'There's a long-held belief that when a Vulcan mates, there's a shared psychic bond.' When he asked what that meant she'd said, 'It's difficult to explain. Feelings, thoughts, even images can be shared.' And judging by the lack of data and her words here now it wasn't going to get any easier.

"You've searched the database?"

"Yes, but there's not much there. Kov told me about Pon Farr, I think he called it. You know the every seven years when Vulcans have to mate. And you told me a little about being betrothed to Koss and your Mom told me about that connection when I questioned you marrying someone you didn't love." He left out the part about telling T'Les he loved her daughter. "I was there for your marriage ceremony so I put some of it together but it still doesn't make sense."

His hand squeezed tighter as he tried to sense what it was she was feeling but this connection was difficult for him. Sensations and feelings crept up on him when he least expected them and the minute he focused they were gone.

"It is difficult to explain because what we are told is not presented as fact but as myth really. It is as if my people are afraid to believe in the reality of a bond so they treat it as something that isn't real. Yet as children we are bonded to a mate by our parents and when we marry we are considered bonded but what that means exactly is never discussed."

"I would have thought your Mom would have said something when you married Koss. Some human parents wait until just before their children marry to tell them what marriage is all about and what is expected of them so it's logical to assume Vulcan parents would do the same."

"I had no intention of bonding with Koss. That choice was made when I originally remained on Enterprise and refused to return for my wedding. And then being forced to comply with our parents wishes, even though I was involved with you, made it a certainty that I wouldn't have bonded with him until it became inevitable due to his Pon Farr. I believe my mother was aware of this and when she tried to speak to me before the ceremony and I dismissed her she respected my wishes and left me alone until it was time to meet Koss in the courtyard."

"So would it have been the same if you'd bonded with him instead of me?"

"Would what be the same? Would I have developed an attraction to him? Is that what you're asking?"

"Would you have developed feelings for him once you bonded?"

Taking a moment to consider how to answer she finally responded, "I can't answer that because I don't know, but I'd like to think it isn't any different for Vulcans than it is for other species. A bond would have been created and made me receptive and required me to mate with Koss during his Pon Farr but I would never truly wish to be his mate and bear his children. I have no empirical evidence that this would be true but I have enough anecdotal evidence to believe that to be the case." She saw the further release of tension in his shoulders as they sank down slightly. The relaxation continued down his arm and into his fingers, which were still grasping her hands.

He remembered her insistence that day in Sickbay, even though she had just been released from the slave trading Orions, that he know that she had not spent any time with Koss after they were married. That there had been no 'honeymoon'. "That's good to know." He wasn't jealous but it still felt good to know that she had not consummate her marriage to Koss.

Gently removing her hand from his grasp, she cupped it under his chin and along his cheek, letting him sink into it for a second. Then she lifted her hand so he was looking directly into her eyes. "I have never felt anything for any other male if that is what you are worried about. I think Koss recognized that you and I were connected and even if I honored Vulcan traditions and remained his mate, he and I would never truly have been bonded. That is the only reason I can see for him releasing me from our marriage."

Trip couldn't go there. That day in her mother's courtyard had been the most heart-wrenching day of his life and that was a chapter of their lives he never wanted to think about again. "So you said this 'psychic bond' formed when we mated, so when Vulcans have 'sexual relations' they bond?"

He felt her tension level rising again. This had to stop. This pattern they'd fallen into of him approaching her, pushing until she gave in, allowing him to get close until she got scared and backed off. Farther and farther away each time. Having blamed her for all the distance between in the past he'd finally begun to look at things more realistically and had recently acknowledged that he was just as responsible as she was. He approached and she responded and he left things there. Left her dangling out there by herself trying to find a way to be true to her heritage as a Vulcan and be with him. It was time he owned up to his part in this, stepped up, and offered her whatever she needed. Showed her how much she meant to him, openly put her needs before his own, and became the man she needed him to be, and to make this easier for her. He could see she was trying desperately to give him what he needed to believe in her. It didn't feel like he was swallowing his pride like it had before and it was the only way they would ever figure out how to be together. And that's all he ever wanted. To have her by his side.

"Okay hold on stay right there." Trip moved around the room, feeling her eyes upon him, placing candles on the floor along with her meditation pillows. Then he lit the candles and turned out the lights. He took her hands and led her to a pillow. "Sit down." He sat himself down on the other pillow, reached across, and intertwined the fingers of each of their hands.

"You wish to meditate?" That seemed wrong, as he had never expressed an interest in meditating before.

"No. I want you to relax. It's just you and me and there's nothing to be afraid of. There's nothing you can say to me that will make me leave again. I'm here to stay and if this bond means what I think it does you're not going anywhere either." The darkness would hopefully alleviate some of the tension this conversation was creating for T'Pol and allow them to just be here together while they worked their way through exactly where they stood in this relationship. A sudden surge of what he could only describe as joy surged through him at the use of that word to describe them. Factors unbeknownst to either of them had forged this relationship and now they had to come to terms with what that meant for the future.

When he looked up, he saw the questions in her eyes. When her hand reached his lips, he held it there, giving himself time to clamp down on his desire, before explaining himself. "Don't get me wrong I'm all about the physical side of things between us, but not tonight. This isn't an attempt to romance or seduce you. I miss making love to you and I want that more than you'll ever know but that's not what's important right now. We need to come to some understanding about what we both want and what this bond means before we resume the physical side of things so just relax and tell me what you know and what you think I need to know about being your mate."

"So you wish to be my mate? And I thought you didn't like my use of 'mate and sexual relations' when discussing our relationship." She felt the strong surge of emotions at her words and it confused her. He'd told her several times in the past that they made love or had sex not mated or had sexual relations. To him those words seemed impersonal and detached and did not allow for anything beyond the physical act between them.

She'd just acknowledged they were in a relationship. That was a first and it brought forth another surge of joy that she finally saw them the way he did. When she first told him of the bond he said he didn't know whether to be relieved or really worried. After much turmoil and thought, he opted for relieved. The woman he loved couldn't push him away anymore. He was in her head, which left her nowhere to go. Not being with her had never crossed his mind.

"You use whatever words you feel comfortable with. I'm going to have to remember they don't mean the same thing to you that they used to mean to me. And why would you even question if I want to be your mate? I've been trying to be with you for at least two years now so why would I object to being bonded to you, especially if this bond is going to force us to stay here and deal with this?" He'd almost said forced her to stay but he wasn't exactly guilt free in the running away department. T'Pol, at least, had stayed on Enterprise when she pulled back. He'd been the one to leave the ship. "Is that what you want?"

The Vulcan closed her eyes for a minute. He'd never said the words but she knew how he felt about her and that if she given him any indication that she returned those feelings he would never have left. "It would appear so. There is little discussed and nothing written about bonds. All mates form a bond that requires them to meet a biological imperative to procreate but it appears we have formed a stronger connection that is believed to be formed if both mates have a true attraction to one another that extends beyond the physical."

There was the apprehension again. That she was unsure of herself was evident. She sounded like she were reading from a technical manual, but he latched onto the part where she said they had formed a stronger connection because they both had a true attraction for one another beyond the physical. It wasn't direct and it wasn't particularly romantic. It was T'Pol trying to logically express the unfamiliar, overwhelming, and illogical feelings, which her Vulcan nature left her ill-prepared for. And he felt all his doubts disappear as he determined to help her out and prompt her with questions until she felt more in control. "So Pon Farr is the drive to procreate and that has nothing to do with feelings?"

"I have not reached my time yet so I am unable to answer that. All I have been told is that when that time arrives it is imperative that I take a mate and that if I had not formed a bond before then one would be formed at that time. Many of my people are repulsed by the idea, but I cannot believe that it has to be a traumatic experience if the mated couple do not see it as simply mating and approach it as such." That Trip would ever see sex with her as something repulsive or traumatic had never entered her mind. Her only worry was losing control and causing him harm but that fear had stemmed from an irrational nightmare caused by her exposure to Trellium D and the Vulcans on the Seleya and she no longer feared that outcome.

"You said you made me immune to the Orions and then you said something about sharing feelings, thoughts, and images?" They could deal with Pon Farr when it happened. Strangely, he had the most information about that and for right now there were more immediate concerns. How it was that her physiology could affect his was something that intrigued and frightened him a little.

"Vulcans are immune to many things that affect humans and since you were unaffected by the Orions it appears that as my mate that protection has been extended to you. What that means exactly I have no way of knowing. I know of no Vulcan/Human bondings and even if there have been any there would be no records. These things are simply not discussed and they most certainly have not been recorded in written form."

"Where's all that Vulcan logic when you need it? I mean there's detailed records about every spec of dust every Vulcan has ever encountered, even the stuff your people find inconsequential, but they leave you guessing about something as important and relevant as a lifetime mate. It just doesn't make any sense." Vulcans didn't strike him as the go with the flow or ignore it and it will go away types but they most certainly seemed true where the most intimate part of their lives was concerned.

"There's nothing logical about Pon Farr. It goes against everything we are taught to strive for; yet there is nothing we can do to prevent it. Then you add the concept of forming an emotional bond to another when you've been raised to believe that as individuals you are less important than your people as a whole and there's bound to be resistance to accepting that we cannot suppress these most personal of emotions." T'Pol had no guidance and no facts to go on but while her experience with this bond and Trip may be unique in some ways, she could not be the only Vulcan to have a romantic connection to her mate.

"When you told me about this bond you said it's believed it manifest itself with shared feelings, thoughts, and images. What I thought were daydreams really happened didn't it?" He tried to remain calm as she took in a deep breath. Just give her your support and she'll get through this he kept reminding himself.

"At first I thought you being present during my meditation time was just my desire to be near you again. And I tried to convince myself you were only a dream but the conversations and your confusion at being there told me that you were indeed more than a figment of my imagination." Having trouble being close to Trip in what was normal for human couples had been daunting enough without having to share her innermost thoughts and fears. "Once I was sure that we were bonded, I started trying to find ways to get you back on Enterprise. It was fortuitous that the Klingons sabotage was able to accomplish what I could not."

She desired him. No doubt about that statement. "You're in my head did you consider trying to explain all this to me?"

"You're here and I'm having difficulty discussing this with you. How much success would I have had as what you thought was only a dream when you kept trying to make it clear you wanted my dream self to leave you alone?"

"You have a point. I'm not always the best at listening but I'll do better in the future. Whatever you need. Whatever we need to do to make this work. Okay?"

"All I know of these things is what I have already told you." The time had come to make sure he truly understood the ramifications of their bond. "Trip, you do understand that our bond leaves us with only one option?" We are mated for life."

"Is that the only reason you wanted me to come back? Because we have this bond and you're stuck with me?" She'd just said she desired him before she was aware of the bond and he wanted to believe that was the case but that voice in the back of his head, the one that kept warning him to protect himself, became louder and louder.

She felt the sharp stabs of fear coursing through him. Moving her legs underneath her, she released their intertwined fingers and brought both her hands to his face cupping the palms under his chin lifting his lips to meet hers. Kissing him had always been something she did when they were together because he enjoyed it or so she had told herself. But when she pushed him away this last time she felt the loss of connection. And she realized that kissing him formed an emotional connection that she hadn't been aware existed until he was no longer on Enterprise and the residual link between them dissipated. After the initial shock of discovering that a Vulcan bond had formed she welcomed it and now she must prove to him that she wasn't here because they were bonded but that they were bonded because in the deepest, most hidden part of her she wanted to be no where else.

Trip felt her lips on his and let himself sink into the sensations. This was only the third, no forth time she had kissed him first. And the last two had occurred within days of each other. He took this development as a very positive sign for the future. For the first time since she had seduced him out of jealousy, she was taking the lead, reaching out to him with touch. The most basic of communication between other species but unnatural to a Vulcan. But she was willingly opening herself up, giving him what he needed, trusting him to know this was her way of telling him she finally understood what it meant to fuse physical affection and emotional need together and why it was so important to him. He had no other choice but to trust her.

He gently weaved his fingers into her hair and deepened the kiss. Letting her know he understood, allowing his response to be the first step to wiping away any concerns as to why they were together.

When they pulled back to fulfill their need for air both were a little disoriented and off balance and Trip's only thought came out before he could censor himself. "Wow, where did you learn to do that."

"From you."

"No. No way. You can learn technique from someone else but what you just did was way beyond technical skill and that can't be taught." They'd been intimate many times but he'd never felt so much coming from T'Pol. She'd never made him feel she wasn't there with him but always seemed guarded somehow. But here now there was passion and desire, so much that merely touching her sent what felt like charges of electricity lacing their way through every part of him making it difficult to think. He'd known she was attracted to him and cared about him. Hoped she loved him like he loved her but had never been affected so thoroughly.

"Are you alright?" T'Pol looked into his eyes for any sign of what was wrong.

"If I can feel this connection between us then I know you can. So why are you asking?"

"Our bond makes it possible but if I rely solely on what I sense from you my inexperience with emotions make it possible that I will misinterpret your feelings."

He smiled. "T'Pol there's no way you can misinterpret what I'm feeling right now and don't you dare try to tell me you didn't know exactly what you were doing when you kissed me."

Trip saw the smile in her eyes but he also saw her uncertainty, vulnerability. "I may have known what I intended but I am a Vulcan and my experience with conveying my thoughts to you in the past have not always been successful. With practice I hope to become better at making myself understood both verbally and non-verbally." His physical response he couldn't hide and was easy to interpret. It was both of their emotional, internal responses she always found to be complex and confusing.

Seeing this whole new side of her was definitely making it difficult for him to keep his mind off the physical side of this relationship. "We can practice later unless we're done talking."

"We do need to discuss what to do to keep the strongest parts of your personality from influencing my interactions with the crew. There have been several comments in recent days that I sound like you or that I must be spending too much time with you." It could be worse she could be using his colloquialisms, which would lead to more intense interest by the crew.

"I can understand that and I have to admit I was surprised in Sickbay. Kind of wondered why you'd been holding out on me all these years. And you can't say that was all me. I'm the wrong gender to have found anything funny or sarcastic and in support of the Orion females being in charge."

"That may be true but your sense of humor is influencing my thought process and my ability to keep such comments to myself." It was infuriating to suddenly find herself the recipient of unbelieving glances, questions, and comments about her newfound personality trait.

"I don't know how to prevent it. I've been fighting your sense of logic lately. It's slowing down my thought process. I'm not used to looking at every possible outcome to every problem I run into during a day, in such detail. But I haven't been able to stop myself. It's just something I'm going to have to work on. We're already behind on repairs and if I don't find a way to speed up this new problem solving routine of mine the Captain is going to be very unhappy." He immediately saw the flash of concern at the mention of the captain.

Trip was right they couldn't change the way their minds worked and she knew of no way to block their minds from being sensitive to each other strongest traits. Working with this bond was a process and they were just going to have to work their way through it. "That does bring up another concern."

"I know you don't want to say anything about us to anyone." T'Pol started to interrupt but he stopped her. He was very private about his personal life, except with those who were closest to him and T'Pol being Vulcan was more so. "Look we've got enough to worry about without everybody else making comments or asking questions, or voicing their expectations or whatever about our relationship. And while I'd love to tell the whole universe how I feel about you and us let's just keep it between us. If anyone asks I'm just going to say 'no comment' and leave it at that."

"What about the captain?"

"He's upset that I won't tell him why I left or why I came back and he'll be upset that I'm keeping this from him. But even if he hears something or suspects something he knows me well enough not to ask." Jon was just going to have to be mad because Trip wasn't about to risk creating problems by informing his captain of a personal relationship that Starfleet and the Vulcans may be less than thrilled about. "Until we're sure he can separate his duty as captain from his loyalty as our friend, you and I remain friends and colleagues out there...," he said as he pointed towards the door, "...and whatever happens in here is for us."

His Vulcan science officer had presented him with her hypothesis...having given him as much data as she had...leaving them with a testable theory and possibilities as they determined the outcome. The thought struck him that he sounded just like T'Pol and then came a shift. Nothing he could point to with any specifics but it had taken place nonetheless. There was something in her eyes. A pleading for understanding and acceptance...while her thumbs drew circles in his palms. Moving towards the inside of his wrist. Slowly drawing his mind away from all logical, rational thoughts of science, facts, and theories.

Then came an almost whispered question.

"Remember when you said we had a lot of work to do?"

"Yes."

"And you said we proved we were a good team?"

"Yes."

"How do we apply that teamwork to more than our professional lives?"

"I wasn't just talking about our work T'Pol. If we're both committed to putting in the time and effort we've proven we can accomplish anything. We just have to want it and now that we have this bond to nudge us in the right direction it should get easier."

T'Pol stood and pulled him up and into her arms. "I agree and as part of our new work ethic I propose we stop talking and start practicing." She gave him no time to make a verbal response. Her lips captured his leaving no doubt of her commitment to a future with him as her mate.


End file.
